Travelogue: Solo backpacking trip – Gokarna

THUMB RULE – If your trip is accompanied by a gang of gurls, then guys might just cancel their prior appointments, could even take sick leaves. If it’s not, then even after  ‘coaxing’  they wouldn’t show up. Anyways, so I made my own Ekla Chalo Re trip on the long weekend starting 29th Sep, as I had taken a leave on 1st Oct n 2nd Oct is Bapu Jayanti – National Holiday. Locking yourself up for 4 days is Bangalore is well-nigh unthinkable for me.

The journey:

29th Sep: Initial plans with a gang, was to Goa….(few dropped – plan changed)…Pondicherry…(rest dropped – plan dropped)….finally, thought of Gokarna. I had never been to this place but have heard quite often about this. Woke up on a Saturday morning, so why not make it there – I said to myself.  Immediately logged into RedBus/ TravelYaari and was lucky enough to get a single to-fro ticket as all seats were packed for the weekend. Boarded the bus at 7:30pm sharp near the East End stop. Plugged in the headphones and went on to my good old pal – FB. The best thing about Social Networks is that they too travel with you – Thanks to the power of 3G! Updated few statuses – a self-assuring one’s here. And after hours of listening to music, went into the limboland.

The arrival and stay:

Day 1(30th Sep):

The view through the mountains to the arrival point reminded of my Saklespur trip. Reached Gokarna check-post around 8:30am, also known as Maruti Katte point (this is where you have to come to board the bus back to Bangalore). Next thing to do was to reach the beach side. Surfed through Wikitravel on my BB and called up few hotels at Om Beach which were filled. Hence, boarded an auto to Kudle Beach for I had a gut-feel that Kudle has more reasonable and better places to stay. Bargained the auto-ricks from 150bucks to 90 (they might not come down from 100/- though). On my way saw this board Namaste Yoga Farm (the contact no. given in the page may not work, do contact Amit – 96205 69868 for bookings), asked him to take me there. I fell in love with this cottage the moment I went to the reception! I checked-in. It was time to take a shower and relax! But before that, I shot a few pics of this wonderful lush green farm-house.

This is where I stayed

This is where I stayed with my blissful solitude.

A neighboring cottage at Namaste Yoga Farm

Namaste Yoga Farm – The way to my cottage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So now, I headed to the beach for some breakfast. After walking for a while I found this lovely beach-side restaurant (Mango Cafe) which is going to be the pivot point of my entire trip as I keep narrating.

The cafe in yellow is Mango cafe. Here most of my trip time was spent. Lazing, relaxing, hogging n sipping in solitude. 🙂

1st view from the cafe to Kudle beach as I had my Spanish Breakfast + a glassful of tea (oh it was a long glass):

The ebb and flow

After having breakfast and lazing at the cafe for an hour, gazing the vast expanse of the sea along with the greenery formed by the surrounding mountains and headed by coconut trees (the cafe boys are very sweet as they won’t get you the bill until you asked them even though I sit for hours without a jolt), I started walking towards OM Beach after asking directions to the locals by the beach side. It’s a small trek at the fag-end of the beach, the trek is around 20mins to OM Beach.

A couple walking hand-in-hand at Kudle

View of Kudle Beach from its left end

There are navigation marks from Kudle to Om Beach as you trek up and reach the plains are somewhat like these:

Navigation marks en route Om Beach

On my way to Om Beach (a bird couple busy on their date)

Reached Om Beach:

The shape of the beach depicts the sacred Hindu symbol – OM, hence the name.

I thought of spending some time at the beach, n get a few shots of me clicked. Couldn’t find a decent looking chap at that moment, so, approached some dude who was half-naked (from bottom). Gave some SLR lessons prior to clicking only to notice – this time I am a victim of Photography Fail!!!. Below pic explains:

A worse victim of Photography fail. This time the photographer himself!

After spending some time at Om, I headed back to Kudle to experience the twilight walking through the beach, sipping beer at Mango Cafe.

As I reached Mango cafe around 5:45pm, the dark clouds suddenly started invading the beach with a heavy shower imminent – it looked some what like this:

As I sit at Mango cafe at twilight with suddenly the dark clouds invading n hovering over Kudle. A heavy shower imminent.

And as expected, it started pouring heavy after some 30mins and just when I was sipping my beer on my own with some firangs and nice people around who I cracked a conversation until 10:30pm which is when I left the Cafe and headed to rest in my cottage.

Sheer bliss – U’re back 2 ur beach…seated at a beach side cafe, with d small surrounding mountains sipping beer…n just at twilight – the rains start pouring heavily with thunders n lightning.

Day 2 (31st Sep):

Woke up around 8am to freshness of the farm-house and felt the aroma of nature. Now today’s agenda – draw some cash from Gokarna town, come back to the cottage, take a shower and explore Half-moon beach after a brunch.

A view of the Gokarna beach while heading to the town to draw cash and explore the temples.

As I enter the town:

A beautiful street as I enter Gokarna town

Vendors ready outside the temples with offerings to the Lord

Some different flowers in front of Ganapati temple

I was back to my farm house, after some uphill/downhill walks and clicks, draped in just a towel relaxing in a jute chair. This is when I found a thud beside me as if someone threw something to me. Suddenly, I discovered it was a snake and it wasn’t moving. Looking at it, even I cautioned myself, did not move (there was a sense of shock and awe in the mind) and gave a frantic call to the cottage assistant so that he keeps a watch on it movement. Thereafter, I rushed to grab my cam ASAP and asked the helper boy not to disturb the snake. And here are some vivid pictures that would tell you the story on what I saw:

Snake that felt with a thud besides my chair on which I was seated with a lizard head in its mouth

The snake is now aware of human beings around him, so perhaps cautioned on any attacks to it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And wasting no time, it had to escape from unreliable ruthless human beings, with the prey slowly gulping into its  throat:

With no 2nd thought, gobbling up the lizard head in its mouth

I have never known snakes too camouflage. The color blue changing to the dry wood underneath it.

Soon after the ordeal, I started on my mission to explore Half-moon beach,which does mean I’ll have to walk through Kudle and Om as well. Already one beach had been covered i.e. Gokarna beach. Now rest 3. (Paradise beach, is yet another secluded (5th) beach but has been taken away by Forest deptt. and is closed now for general public) Had my usual lunch at Mango cafe who’s prices are way reasonable than any pub in Bangalore or shack in Goa. Had a beer and then got going.

Few folks I met at Kudle beach on Day 2

A kid playing football as his mom quite oblivious in her game against the sands.

As I headed Om beach again, made few friends on my way:

Met this nice chap Hari who’s now a facebook friend. Happy to get him few portraits/memories that he wanted. 🙂

So after around 90 mins of walking and some small treks, I did some photoshoot of these folks at OM Beach and without wasting much time headed towards Halfmoon beach. I had to keep time in mind for this was my 2nd and final day when I have to board a bus to return back.

Greeted by eagles that flew across the path to Halfmoon Beach

As I trek towards Halfmoon beach through these serene and breathtaking views

A light house or possibly a view point to the Paradise beach that comes as u head further. It’s more secluded.

Finally, I reached Halfmoon beach. It was totally secluded. It was just me and me. The time was around 4:40 pm. I could even run naked on the beach and there won’t be anyone to notice. 😉

A sense of accomplishment as the trek was little longer around 40mins, than the other beaches. And also a bit more adventurous as there wasn’t anybody who accompanied me.

Few shots of the beautiful and serene Halfmoon beach:

Half moon beach, towards the Paradise beach side

Half moon beach, towards the OM beach side

Spending some 15-20 mins, I headed back. And the thrill and jitters and stress were never so evident on my face than this moment when I actually lost my way back as there were no such marks that lead to OM beach or vice-versa. There were bifurcations. I had no clues which path I took but to realize that I went back to Half-moon Beach again!! I was petrified at this moment as it was getting late and I dint have a torch with me once there’s a nightfall!  I gave a call to one of my friend and let her know the situation. I called up the farm-house owner to keep him informed. He too couldn’t help much. There was no one as it was a Monday and already evening. I had to catch my bus back too. I can’t afford to waste time. Then, i tried searching for some polythenes, bottles (U know this is India, so litters are the marks), plastic to trace my way back. Somehow I found the directions correct. But never had I been this panicky. Below picture is the outcome of it. I tried clicking some snaps there from my Blackberry, so in case I never made it, someone should find them and make a movie on me like Christopher McCandeless ‘s in Into the Wild.

All pictures were shaky even though I tried to make my hands firm.

Eventually made my way back and reached Kudle. Was happy to see fire, if not bonfire but the Firangs burning the coconut tree branches.

Hence, came to the end of my trip on Day 2. I made it bang on my estimated time. Grabbed a beer at Mango cafe. It was around 5:45pm. I headed for a shower in my farm-house. My bus was at 7:30pm. The farmhouse dude booked an auto-rick for me which was waiting for me around 6:30pm. As I stepped out of my guest house, there were some nicely clad pretty ladies heading to the same point where their autos were stranded. I am never short of cracking a conversation, am I? So figured out they too were traveling back in the same bus to Bangalore – SeaBird Tourists .… 😉

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When U visit hometown at 28!

28 is not a nice age to visit hometown if you are still single. But you have to, not to see possible matches that have been talked about by your parents before your visit, but to attend one of your best friend’s wedding (baraat) and to spend some time with your family. But thanks to the constant reminders from your parents, and now that you’re  eligible, you tend to see newly wed couples everywhere. 3 years back, it was just single ladies in front of your eyes that have now been replaced by young “just married” couples.

I really do not know what this syndrome is, that I end up seeing them – at the airport, in the flight, in the malls, at the theatres,  ugh! Everywhere! Ab sab chhod chhad ke Facebook pe baitho….to wahaan bi Wedding Albums ke alava kuch hai hi nai!! The then FarmVille updates have now been replaced by marriage pics. Oh yes, there’s a LIKE button. Hit like – the best thing you could do to bless the couple, ONLINE. You see even Mark Zuckerberg is married now!! And hence the status follows:

Currently, it’s Wedding Season on Facebook —
As per Census: For every 1000 men in India, there r only 778 women. So, 778 couples are busy updating relationship statuses & uploading albums. The rest 222 men (including me) are busy hitting Like button.

Kya karein, jisne humein chaha, naa uska bhala ho paya…Aur jise humne chaha, naa humara bhala ho paya. Par chaahat mein hum ek bewakoof insaan jaroor ban gaye the. Spiderman bhi bana hoga. Thanks to Female Foeticides, finding even “a little close to the right match” is like spotting a tiger in India – Only 1411 left!  So the final straw – Arranged Marriage. But that’s like going on a wild goose chase – Caste, Color, Height, Horoscope, Family status, Age, Package…are to name some of the criteria of this concept. More than 50% of matrimony profiles out there are of BROKEN HEARTS that need some healing before they’re actually ready to accept you. Whew!!!  Hum to kaafi kuch compromise karke bas 3 essential/basic cheezon pe atke hain but uspe bhi not a single proposal that you will “feel good” about. Humein to yaar dowry bi nai chahiye. Totally against it. The ones your parents feel, you don’t; the ones you feel, your parents don’t; the ones both feel, caste/kundalis don’t!  Although I agree to some extent with the concept of risk/uncertainty based on Kundali matches since predictions are based on the science of Astrology but I fail to understand the relevance of caste system in today’s self-made progressive world. [ An elaborate post on Caste system and broken hearts in the offing]

You being the only child, your parents are deeply disappointed, you are upset because your parents are and feeling immense pressure but you keep citing some examples to console their much delicate hearts. (Ab ‘Haan kaise kehdein, humari bi koi preference hai ki nai? Poora life kisika banna hai. Moreover, I don’t like seeing girls and refusing. More girls have refused me just seeing my matrimony profile rather!! )

Ab Pyar koi chai ke dukaan pe to nai mil raha, ki ek mangaa lein…time chahiye, jo shayad hai nai. Aur humein koi stranger ko chahne ke liye jab tak woh feel aaye, tab humare kundali mismatch ho jaate hain. Aur ladkiyon ke kahaan kam nakhre hain aaj kal. When they are getting interests from any Tom, Dick and Harry on Matrimonial sites with counts that match their FB ‘unknown’ friend requests, bhao to badhna hi hai. Aur us race mein shayad hum kahin chip jaate honge. Jab nazar aate hain, tab race is over! Unko kya chahiye ab rabb jaane. Perhaps they want Greek Gods who can give dowry to them instead. Or guys with altitude but size of brain immaterial!

I would rather not elaborate else this post would turn into a work of fiction!  Dil nai kar raha aur likhne ko, but one day I’ll pen down all my experiences. Now Men don’t have a choice. They really don’t. Perhaps the wise ones could wait for that “One day of Autumn” after 500 days of harrowing Summer is over. It’s all about time. 🙂

Here’s a small video from one of my fave movies – 500 Days of Summer , that speaks all about the above line:

I may be aging as the days pass by, my hairs might be greying (but there’s always Schwarzkopf professional to your aid, nuh?) but barely my parents know that I still feel, act and think young, just like the way I was at 21. And at 41, I’ll still be the same. Love (when it fails) may make you weak, timid, numb and dumb but never lose hope in finding love, again. Just have to keep your eyes wide open. Hope you found a suitable match – that would be your love. 🙂

 

To be an Indian…

I am an Indian. And I saw 64th Independence Day celebrations today. The spirit and elation are aptly visible as you step out of your home to see the tricolour flags waving, that are fitted in some corners of the neighbourhood doors, cabs, auto-rickshaws, buses and kids with cycles. Although there’s this I-day fervour felt among the common man but the angry young youth is definitely not happy. Not just the rebellious youth but the educated intelligentsia who see that their country is not truly independent yet. For we are still ruled by round-headed despots who are concerned about plundering the wealth that the common man accumulates, who seldom realize what they are capable of and why they had been elected in a Democracy. But I believe it’s We-The-People who have the authority and not them. We have elected one among us. We can dethrone and we can change ourselves. We can fight for our independence by being a good citizen and a good human being.

Having said that, there are few things we still need freedom from, in this country. Because today we are a global citizen and we must pledge to act and believe truly what it really means to be a nation where Indus Valley Civilization and Harappa Culture were born. We need to understand what it really means to be an Indian. So being an Indian means:

–          To give up the lethargy of not going to the polling booth just because it is hot and sunny or there’s a huge queue out there. There’s no point in watching or making huge debates/discussions by flipping news channels in AC rooms and complaining about our politicians.

–          To stop worshiping false gods, following inane celebrities, conferring “youth icons” to false politicians & giving needless hype to useless people who‘re in the news time n again.

–          To shun the caste bigotry and jeer at every person who carries the caste supremacy and follows the caste system. If they’re your parents, you must have the courage to bring about a change in their irrational set of minds!

–          To not follow media or any source blindly, for media is prejudiced and is also bought!

–          To not stare at a woman’s bosom right when she’s looking at your face or try to be touchy-touchy in that “opportunist-crowded-bus”. It’s vulgar despo and downright unethical! (Can someone remind these set of people that, there are a similar set who’re also staring at their sisters?)

–          To not repeat the Guwahati incident, rather have some courage and BE A REAL MAN to protect the one who’s being molested, just like we would have come to the rescue of our own siblings.

–          To not throw garbage in an open area just because others are! Rather to throw it inside the bin, than just aiming at it.

–          To maintain the decorum of every queue and respect the people ahead of you and not be violent or have “getting-late” alibis just to break it.

–          To join the person who’s being a rebel against someone (even if that ‘someone’ has the physique of Tiger Ali) violating the rules deliberately because in my country laws are formulated but seldom followed.

–          To not break the traffic rules and drive on the pavements (Man! They’re made for pedestrians). But to stop your vehicles to save petrol, save environment & do a favour to the common public’s left over hairs on the bald head.

–          To not pee & salt your neighbour’s wall but shoo the ones who you see peeing in a public place in broad daylight!

I love my nation. Am happy to be an Indian. Unfortunately there’s no reason today, I can take pride on Independence Day when we’re ruled & the Nation’s flag is being hoisted by those who’re at the helm of corruption n inefficiency!!

It takes much more to be an Indian. But it doesn’t take much to be a good citizen. And it’s even easier being a good human being.

Jai Hind. Happy 64th Independence Day. 

Ways to identify a Photographer

 

She: Hey, Vish is a photographer.
He: Oh really! Which camera do you use?
Me: I just click pictures. Do I qualify now??

It’s practically pointless to showcase your work to someone or to introduce your passion to someone whose 1st question would be which gear you use for Photography. That itself is an insult to the photograph and the owner. There are some who may as well, uninvited, ask you the same after seeing a nice picture about the kind of camera you use, as if once you hand it over to them, they would beat the shit out of you with some of the best award-winning Nat-geo pictures clicked from their magical hands!!

So here you have them as photographers. Now that they have the basic knowledge of what I carry i.e. a Nikon/Canon and a photo-editing software, you have some of the best ignored talents now surfacing as photographers. Not even budding, but pure professional photographers, who use SLRs only to click pictures. Every soul on earth knows D is for Digital. Have you ever tried asking them the full form of SLR? If not, try right away.

Since it is a fashion these days to be an SLR Photographer but may not necessarily mean Photography, here are few ways how you could identify them:

  1. Profile Pictures: Be it Facebook profile or a page, a DP with your D-SLR is a must! And your pose is the mundane “focusing through a view finder” with enormous attention that even scientists wouldn’t be sharing with electron microscopes. Poor Point-n-Shoot owners must be feeling left out.
  1. Watermarks: I always believed watermarks are required to establish the identity against theft or plagiarism of your authentic work. But what I do not understand is the usage of watermarks with HUGE BOLD/ITALIC fonts (XYZ Photography) in the mid of the picture or everywhere (minimum 3 places) in your picture that at times one wonders whether the font is the SUBJECT or the picture beneath the font is the subject! Again, they are Fotugraphers, you see.
  1. Borders: The look and feel of your pictures does get enhanced with borders, but what’s up with Black-Thick-White-Slim-Grey-Fat layers of border!!! I guess I need a magnifying glass now to actually see the content of your photo.
  1. Facebook FanPage: Oh dear! This was the only missing link so far. An FB page is free of cost. Let’s create one, make use of ‘Invite Friends’ & FB messages and spam all our friends and friends-of-friends until they LIKE it! Now, on your FB feeds Vishy likes Sissy’s Photography. Some no-brainer who loves liking all pages will go ahead and like it for sure. Voila! You have so many fans!!! But none have seen your pictures yet. You’re confident and go to pub to boast in front of that chick how awesome you’re at clicking and that she should be ready to pose for some (on bed).
  1. Facebook Albums: Your albums are named “Himalayas rock”, “Corbett National Park” etc but neither you see mountains, nor animals in them. Just humans with thick fat lenses posing with tripods, concentrating as if they are about to kill a lion. Longer the lens, better is the flaunting(acting). Okay! Where’s the content yaar?

IDENTITY CRISIS STILL?

So, these were the sure shot ways to identify the photographers around you. Yes, I own an SLR but I don’t consider myself as a photographer yet, for I do not qualify any of the above 5 criteria. I just love clicking. That’s my passion.

The truth behind Photography, however, is that the best and most creative pictures in almost all realms of life are anonymous.

P.S. The picture you see is a mock. I just couldn’t tamper more than that. In reality, the ones am talking about are worse than the above.

The way I said it in 2010 – My year in one liners.

2010 was the year I got into blogging, the year I became THE Social Network person n also the year my Facebook addiction climbed to the heights where my personal profile was disabled. But that was kinda rehab for me.

Now I am still a Social Network addict but mostly a Twitter person. Having said that here are some of my one liners (or more than one) that had been most “LIKEd” or RTed on FB/Twitter resp. The list doesn’t end here but I do not wish to squeeze the scroll bars too much.

THOUGHTFUL:

We see trains colliding, we see plane crashing…
Road accidents r a daily affair, we r blown away wit bombs.
We leave some, we lose some…
Life is precious, life is beautiful…Yet life is so short!!! God bless LIFE!

MOVIES:

  • Damn you Christopher Nolan , now that you gave a new high on Inception, the FIFA World Cup hangover is almost over! 🙂
  • Q. What did Bachan Jr. say to Leonardo DiCaprio after watching Inception? A. What an idea Sirjee. An idea can change the world!! 😉
  • FATAL WARNING: Do not even get a pirated copy of Golmaal-3!!! However Tusshar Kapoor fans cud make it cuz he is at his annoying best! #SomeoneKickTheShitOut
  • If U think of celebrating ur Christmas watchin Tees Maar Khan for Sheila ki Jawani or othrwise, I suggest u to settle down for some soft porn rather than spoilin d time.

OFFICE-Etc:

  • Possible joke of the day – I love Mondays!
  • Nation-wide Strike => Long lazy weekend => Satanic Saturday ahead. This Friday nite is goina be a Fright-day!
  • The transition b/w one project to another is always a bliss. Why? U swim freestyle in the free-pool. U indulge urself all 8 workin hours on Social Networks. N then u fly away home. 😉
  • Arey Merry Christmas n Happy Vacation, all right. Shut down to karke jao systems ko! Go green but whn it comes 2 offc, company ka maal, dariya mein daal???

NARCISSISTIC:

  • I have few retards in my profile that turn me off big time n eventually turning me into a retard!
  • To all those who missed me right here on FB, I ❤ U. To all those who rejoiced my absence, kiss my (__|__) 😀 [FYI, I hav kissballs down dere. Kicks prohibited  ;)]
  • If HATE can be personified, then it’ll be FACEBOOK. Thanks Mark for disabling my account. This, my dear Mark is the beginning of your fall…downfall!
  • Huney, am home!…….What took U so long??? It’s Friday night bitch. 😉

FIFA:

  • There will be 3 things we will remember from the 2010#worldcup   in South Africa: the vuvuzela, the Jabulani n #PAULTHE PSYCHIC #OCTOPUS.
  • Thank U Spain – U r the World Champ for me!\m/ Essentially becos U did justice to the Germans for gangraping TINA…Oops I mean Arrrg…!
  • HOLES were bullish, but BULLS are Spanish! And bulls will crush anything if they are instigated – especially man-shaped Oranges!
  • Hence, the German blitzkrieg was destroyed by the Spanish bullfighters!
  • The #Ger Octopus- Paul denies 2 predict 4 Germany as he’s busy wif Octopussy Paula countin his last days b4 being exported 2 Mainland China!
  • The host nation #RSA said to #FRA, would U lik 2 trade some Vuvuzelas 4 ur French-Fries n French-Kisses? #FRA said ‘NO’. #RSA said, ‘Here U go’. And meet #ENG @ Airport! 😀

ON MY MIND:

  • International Airports – The only place where U get to see/meet(if ur lucky) lovely petite gorgeous women of ol’ skin colors…both travelers n d ones dat help ya travel.
  • One possible disadvantage of ‘riding’ bak home than ‘driving’ bak home during heavy showers is…U can’t park ur bike n make love when it rains midway!
  • Being at home could be dangerous! Why does my dad wish to sacrifice me so soon when ol’ my ex-s are single n knotless?
  • Myth: Kingfisher Airlines hostesses are red “haute” ! Reality: U dont really need to be gorgeous to join KF Domestic Airlines.(They induce sleep more than keepin u alert!)
  • If we never had a religion, we would never have festivities. And life would be so monotonous. #HappyDiwali
  • Come home to d best Sweet dish-n-delicacies that mankind cud ever drool on, come home to Bhubaneswar. Rasagolla, Rasmalai, Chhena Poda…d “authentic” list is endless. BEAT our sweetness!
  • Any idiot cracking jokes on Diwali, makin fun n too much noise of dis sparklingly joyous festival will be subject to Patakhas n Rockets in his arse. #HappyDiwali
  • In Bangalore, 3 things kill you. Chicks, Climate n Traffic. While d 1st two r worth-experiencing, the last doesn’t let you enjoy it.
  • U know u r in Bangalore when U see pretty chicks wit cheerful faces, colorful attires, hairs straightened mostly…accompanied by a guy/two in most cases n d weather kills u wit chills!!

BACHELOR’S DIARY:

  • From a Bachelor’s Diary: Weekends are meant for washing socks, clothes, baniyans n bike! Then repair d machines. Whatev time’s left goes on SNs. No time to get laid!! Ugh!
  • From a Bachelor’s Diary: When Mom’s not around, the only savior for a hungry tummy after a stressful day at work is Instant Noodles!!!
  • From a Bachelor’s Diary- U don’t wake up so early ever once U hav slept late. Only 2 find out da reason were bloody mosquitoes cuz ur All-Out got over!
  • From a Bachelor’s diary: Life has never been so lonely than what it is right now…At times stupidity favors u, at other times, it’s devastating!
  • From a Bachelor’s Diary: Evenings on weekdays are meant to watch movies, on weekends, to gettin drunk. At times wish to shut down this chapter. At times, life feels lonely.

SATIRE:

  • My dear friend, even if my pen-drive was infected, would u expect a “Yes” from me when U ask, “Does it have Virus?”.
  • Reaching the DELL Tech. Support team for assistance is like reaching the stars without a spaceship! Quite literally!
  • Q. What’s d difference btwn Bangalore n a remote Indian village? A. Powercuts – In B’lore: 1 hr each, 5 times a day; In a Village: 1 time, straight for 5 hrs!Q. What’s the similarity then??? A. At times these Power-cuts may last upto 8 hours at-a-stretch!
  • 20 yrs hav passed by but guys visiting Keshari theatre wouldn’t leave d habit of peeing on RBI Building walls. Stunning BBSR ??
  • Dear Pakistan, Thank you for taking Sania Mirza, thanks for listening to our appeals on FB for adopting Rakhee Sawant…Oh Plz, lift Arundhati Roy now.

CWG:

  • Irony/Coincidence? Both CWG n IPL r gaming events, both r cash cows 4 r politicians. While IPL has Paisa,CWG has Wealth & both hv Corruption.
  • CWG -> Kalmadi’s Cash CoW-Games / Congress’ Wow-what-Wealth Games!
  • IPL/CWG both have 2 things in common i.e. P and C ? “P” – Paisa =>  Probe && “C” – Cashcow => Corruption.
  • Terrorism(Kasab)/Naxalism/Inflation/CWG – What’s common? IST – GOI believes in IST i.e. we could always ‘stretch’. Is the International Embarrassment imminent?

CHILDREN’s Day:

  • When I was a Kid, Weekends dint mean Facebook or Twitter indoors but it meant Bat/Ball/Race outdoors.
  • When I was a Kid, Baba Ramdev was a student drinking Coca Cola.
  • When I was a Kid, ‘Biting’ n ‘Sucking’ was only confined to Mosquitoes.
  • When I was a kid, I got wet dreams after watching Hindi B-Grade movies. (Pyaasi Chudial etc.)
  • When I was a kid, all my fb friends were also kids…n FB founder was also a kid!!! Now he’s billionaire, n we’re contributing to it. #FML

ONIONS:

  • Onions – 1 Kg = 100 /- || One bottle of Carlsberg = 100/- #YouPrefer
  • Tip for just broken relationships: A raw Onion a day, keeps your ex away.
  • Similarity between Onions n a “misleading” pretty face – Both have layers.
  • Onion prices 70 /- per kg already. I was happy that at least we av few days until sometime in 2011 when it touches 100/-. Now m already in tears without peeling them.

RANDOM reads:

  • Be grateful, because hundreds of millions of sperms were ejaculated and YOU were the fastest swimmer. But the irony is, even that was spent on a woman!
  • Yea right! Happy endings do exist…it all depends where you end the story
  • Behind every successful man, dere’s a gorgeous woman! Behind every gorgeous woman…dere’s a man staring at her bums.
  • Pakistan tourism board tag line: ‘Come to Pakistan, have a BLAST’

Well, last but not the least, thanks for the Likes n RTs. They do make me feel, my words have life and they are being heard. Hope the next year, unlike this year I won’t spam your feeds. Oh wait, I was kidding. 😀

Happy New Year – 2011

An Open Letter to Mark Zuckerberg

Hi Mark,

What’s up, Bitch? By the way, congrats for being the youngest billionaire, and the CEO of the 3rd highest valued company in US and making over 550 million friends. Hey, wait! They also include 250 million Farmers and Mafioso, 100 million disabled-accounts and 75 million fake (includes stray dogs n pets), out of which 50 million would be from India and rest 25 million are, perhaps, our neighbor’s contribution; thanks to Orkut’s decreasing popularity.

Good that you are coming up with an innovative and state-of-the-art technology Facebook Messaging (email) system as you discovered 4 billion messages getting sent each day. (What’s up with Groups? A big fail, eh?) Now we are sure the mails are going to be blocked half-way through, for your TERMS are going to be even longer! Longer than the 8189 paged Ayodhya Verdict, even a Federal Govt.’s rules and regulations. Do you also follow the terms set by you? Then why isn’t it possible to block you?

Well, it’s nice that with Facebook email, you are allowing attachments now. So, guys can send their masturbating videos to ladies they sex-texted before! Me? Sorry, I’ll still stick to Gmail for that. I do not wish anyone to see me while I am shagging away to glory. I need Privacy!

And then more blockages, more profiles disabled (but not deleted), new profiles added to Facebook and Voilà! Facebook’s counter shows 1 Billion profiles and soon to overtake population of China. Is this how you show the numbers to the whole world of Social Media?

Hey, I saw The Social Network. And my admiration and adulation for you knew no bounds after learning how you got this social-networking/dating site out basically! No wonder when you have disparaged your girlfriend and deceived your best friend, you will do very less to care about people’s privacy or their concerns.

Although your PRIVACY explanation is written in simple English, but your business rules are damn faulty! Do you test your privacy features at all? Automation, Manual…? Here are few nuggets and my observations on how you have been compromising your 500 million users’ privacy:

  • PandoraYelp, and Scribd. Now you added Instant Personalization options. But hey why did you forget to notify users on homepage when you ‘checked’ Places by default for them under Account Settings> Notifications?
  • Popular Applications/ ‘Apps’ on Facebook steal/transmit personal information.
  • Your application developers sell user information to data brokers for money.
  • Users set their Photo Album privacy to Friends Only (How am I so sure? Click ‘View Photos’ -> This content is currently unavailable) but if the wall is public one gets access to the published photos and to the entire album thereafter clicking ‘Back To Album’. WTF! Don’t you see the Ugly World of Morphing out there?
  • Those whose friend requests are “Awaiting Confirmation” can still have my personal posts/photos/photo-tags reflected on their feeds! How outrageous is that?

With so much of privacy breach stories, no wonder why this Halloween, people had been wearing your mask!

FaceMash?

Now, let’s speak about the DISABLED profiles, on who violated your Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, as per you:

  • Thanks to your Share button people could share profiles they need to Report Abuse, on their walls. So, your Pinoy devotees have done the needful to my maiden & ‘Authentic’ profile.
  • Why the hell can’t you give or send warnings before you disable a profile? Your automated response after two months of my appeal says,

Your account was disabled because your behavior on the site was identified as harassing or threatening to other people on Facebook. Prohibited behavior includes, but is not limited to:

• Sending friend requests to people you don’t know
• Soliciting others for dating or business purposes

Isn’t the reason ridiculous, Mark? For what effing good do you have these “Looking For” options in your Basic Info then!!! Looks like your principle-makers are only on Twitter!Here for options on Basic Info

  • Have you ever had a chance to see how pissed people are because you disable profiles for reasons unknown? If not, have a check at http://facebookdisabled.org who are also on Twitter and have been reaching out to victims to sign the petition against your totalitarian attitude. Also, http://getsatisfaction.com/facebook. Not just a handful of them, there are millions, even bloggers at NetworkedBlogs. You could check your own Petition groups and this topic. And some ridiculous reasons as mentioned in this topic as well. Oh yes, the previous topic is written by a lady if you thought only “Male” profiles fell prey!
  • You don’t have a mechanism to weigh the volume of data/IP content in each profile i.e. Photos, Albums, Videos, Links, Notes, Contacts etc. before disabling a profile? Why? You have an idea how agonizing it is to lose them & what a pain it is to upload them all over again!! And when friends are concerned, they think I have kicked them out from my list!

You know what man, I could go on, but I also have to mention about your “People You May Know” algorithms that usually pull out fake profiles with suggestive photos, which in turn invite one’s profile to be blocked again going by your Terms! You keep changing Facebook features every morning, without informing people what’s new on the site and let them accept whatever shit you offer! Do you know the recall of Publish Profile Picture feature on the wall has been a huge disappointment for users?

It’s an application and it would definitely have bugs. Do you just intimidate and block FRIEND REQUESTS or do you ever test your own application before letting it ‘Go-Live’? Did I just hear a deafening YES, then what’s this all about? And at times, when you post a comment, others don’t see it after sometime, makes one think he/she deleted it. Misunderstandings over FB now! WTF! Well, how many more times would you keep changing the useless SPAM filters for Amora/Anita/Astrology Predictions and all that shit app!

Although we’ve had a Quit Facebook Day on 31st May, 2010 fetching 37971 committed quitters, I understand it doesn’t make much difference to you, the ratio is just too less as compared to 500+ million active users, after all, right? But, keep your fingers crossed Mark, for this quitting no. would soon emulate your bragging FB figures.

You cannot do good to your users, the disabled and crippled profiles, all right, but if you could do this favor for the sake of mankind- PLEASE Unfriend Coal and keep the Planet Green and not make it Black instead. You’re CEO, Bitch! C’mon.

If you still cannot do any of these, then please change your name as suggested in the text editors.

text editor suggest

Many Thanks,
Facebook-turned-Twitter Addict

 

Image (Zuck’s Mask) Courtesy: Gawker

10 reasons why I love Football, FIFA vs Cricket

 

FIFA – Football Is Freakin’ Awesome!

So, we’re in FIFA season now. A time I await for 4 long years. For most Indians, it’s cricket that takes priority, better say – the most popular sport in the country. But a large mass has been following FIFA too as evident from their posts and updates on Social Networks.

As far as Social Media universe is concerned, Copa Mundial 2010 will be the 1st to be played out in the Facebook/Twitter era!

So, here are top 10 reasons why I am fond of Football than Cricket.

  • Game Duration: Each football game lasts for 90 mins (max to 4 mins extra on certain cases) as against 4 hours of a 20/20  or 8 hours of an ODI Cricket match. Even in a single 20/20 match duration, 2.5 FIFA matches would have been over!
  • NO Adverts/Commercials: The best thing about this game is you get seamless viewership and unlike cricket where the feeling is like seeing the Match within the Ads & not the other way round. You see them to the extent that lest you missed a wicket fall, you have to catch the replay- only after the ad!! Worse, you may even miss the 1st ball of bowler’s forthcoming over. But in case of football, even during the breaks, you get to hear from John Dykes & see Mayanti Langer & not the fashion-faux-pas hit Mandira Bedi!!
  • Players don’t laze around: Now, this is a game where not a single player, out of 11, gets bored like the fielders at the boundaries/gullies and at times the ball never reaches them even after a couple of overs. Every single player, right from the Defender, Mid-fielder, Striker keep running from pillar to post. Even the goalie keeps jumping as to make sure he doesn’t fall asleep. (Like Portugal’s goalie in FIFA World Cup 2010 where #POR pumped 7:0 vs #PRK)
  • Referee/Umpire: Have you ever seen a big-bellied referee in a football match who’s emotionally challenged due to his obesity? Forget referee, even the linesman needs fitness more than the players.
  • Commentators: Just one commentator. And simply gives you an adrenaline rush. Unlike cricket where you have multiple commentators (now Field Umpires/Players too :O) who at times go to chat about their housewives or the cricketer’s latest crush (let’s keep Harsha Bhogle out of this)
  • Crowd/Fans: If you have seen a FIFA or any football match per se, it would be needless to explain the 300+ million fan following across the entire globe. And my my, the fanciful face-paintings, the craze, the beauty, the mass singing/dancing/jumping/tub-thumping, roars (be it the deafening Vuvuzela =====<() )…even after so much to be offered from the game, we still stick to the game! Not to mention the footballers who don’t leave themselves behind when it comes to fashion with all the fanciful tattoos and hairdo.
  • Conduct: Cricket is relatively a game with gentlemanly conduct until we see more of Sreesanth(s), on & off the field. But football does have frequent spats, verbal hurls, faking fouls against the opponents et al. Not to forget the perfect Zidane head-butt and the recent Kaka Red card vs Ivory Coast.
  • Nations Count: Out of 400 football playing nations, around 208 nations are FIFA national soccer teams. Out of these, only 32 make it to the World Cup! Whereas, you have only 10 major cricket playing nations (alongside Holland/Afghanistan/Kenya) out of which 4 are already playing FIFA WC 2010!
  • Ease of game: I can even make my mum understand it without much worrying about explaining her the intricate Duck-worth Lewis methods & other cricketing jargons from the bowler’s/fielder’s/batsman’s and umpire’s end! However, the irony is she says, she understands cricket but fails to understand football. So, all I told her that two teams run with the ball to put in the opponent’s post! That’s it. Done. 🙂
  • Match seldom stops: The tenth and one of my best reason is that a football match never stops even if it rains! Nobody runs with a huge thick polymer sheet to cover the turf! Rather the soccer players look all the more wildly sexy with their wet look and muscles flexed visible through the drenched jerseys (No, thanks I am straight). The match still goes on and on until the ball floats.

I do not like FIFA World Cup. I simply love it. 🙂

N.B. My personal opinion, agreements (from Soccer fans) n disagreements (from hard-core Cricket fans) are most welcome! 😀

10 reasons why I hate Facebook!

I am addicted!!! And I hate it. And have been hating it since a year almost!

My friends who never chat or call me, ping me on Fb chat asking if I was at office or home/which office?/if am working for Fb/if I was a Social Media & Communities guy?? Now I think this post would be good enough to have answers to all their questions.

So, here are the top 10 reasons why I hate Facebook aka FB the most:

1. My relationship/friendship(s) is/are on rocks!  I am accused for giving more time to Fb than my crushes or my crusher  😐

2. My productivity has hit all time low. Now my boss and HR are on talks to get this site banned from my system IP.  😦

3. My reading habit, be it newspapers/magazines/fiction has been badly screwed up. For I rely on Fb’s live/news feeds for everything!!!

4. I have stopped watching/downloading educational porn. Cuz U see the red icon popping up to notify me steals my attention more than the former flicks  😐

5.  I sleep less, rather insomniac thinking about the posts/links/notes/issues & await the sunrise to see what people have opined!!!

6. Colleagues mock me that I am working on a Facebook project rather than CRM platform’s.

7. My higher studies notions look very distant. If only I could get my eyes away from the laptop screen. 😦

8. I am way too distracted thinking what would be my life after marriage, that if, my wife might just file a divorce against me with this kinda addiction to Fb.

9. My kids would brand me as a bad father for not taking them to the roller-coaster rides rather asking them to go through the live updates and give their views on my posts!! :O

10. Enjoying my job but still thinking if I could be recruited for Facebook and be a part of the development team ( now that I have already done some good R & D on it & written blog-posts/tips) but scared about my social involvement to reduce to none at the same time??

Last but not the least. It’s April 1st. And I would confess that whatever it is, I LOVE FACEBOOK and come what may will stick to it and continue to have a Relationship status changed from Single to In an Open Relationship with FB. 🙂

Addicted to Facebook.

UPDATE – 07/07/2011

Now I really hate it. And more reasons in the below video

Movie Review of Love Sex aur Dhokha (LSD)!

Folks,

I ain’t telling you the plot or the story here, rather my admiration for the movie and all about it on a very high-level. So, you could still go ahead and enjoy without a sense of déjà vu!

LSD/LSD-25 is Lysergic Acid Diethylamide, a semi-synthetic psychedelic drug per se! And I thought firmly, that the movie is going to be all about drugs and sex! Then I thought may be something like Kalyug. But, No….NO!!! Fortunately it ain’t the run-of-the-mill stuff. It’s simply more to LSD.

Now, I feel I should be given the “Corporate Employee of the Quarter” award for having bunked the first half of my office-day, just to catch First-Day-First-Show of LSD…….Love, Sex aur director ne diya Dhokha….Naay!! NOT AT ALL! It’s Love, Sex aur Wow, Kya movie maine Dekha….! Watching a movie in solitude at the theater was never my cup of tea  + gives a sombre experience for me, (only once before) but thanks to Dibakar, I was glued to my seat.

This is the movie ‘Love, Sex aur Dhokha’, acronymed as LSD by the talented Dibakar Banerjee, with the type that is one of its own kind or say, first of its own kind. At the outset, if you just went to this movie expecting to satiate your sleaze balls or get a whip of titillation on the big screen, or just apprehending a good starcast, then this movie is definitely a big NO for you.

This ain’t a single setting movie but opens up in 3 different subplots, with each story beautifully hyperlinked that eventually intersects with the other which is what got me fascinated with this pattern of story-telling. Not sure if I could call this a “Dark” or “Thriller” or a  …and definitely isn’t a “Drama” but may be a potpourri  of all genres.

The entire ‘runtime’ of the movie happens to be on multiple video footage shot by a handheld camera akin to Paranormal Activity but then this has more to offer than just horror or docu-drama! Moreover, it is so very well justified that I could not find a single chink in the armor wrt the video footage shoot as compared to other masala bollywood movies where you can find something unrealistic or well-nigh unthinkable!!! Pretty well justified by the director and hats off to him.

Btw, I personally admire DB/Ekta Kapoor for being gutsy enough to have got this movie out in an IPL season when most of the viewership would have gone into the regional team leagues than multiplex hits. Sure, this movie will give Madhur Bhandarkar’s movies a run for money.

This movie is definitely hilarious with all the mundane northy slangs, as well as the lingo. One more good aspect is, the movie has a bunch of novices who, either are theater-stars or just freshers, have meted out their characters so well, is certainly praise-worthy.

Overall, I loved the movie and don’t give a damn on the TOI ratings or what-so-ever but I would rate it a ★ ★ ★ ★ .5/ 5.

Being actively involved in the #LSDKnockOffs league since last evening on Twitter attempting knock-offs of the movie title, here are some of the funny knock-offs:

  • Love, Sex &  Jhadoo Poccha – Shiney Ahuja’s expectations from his maid
  • Love, Sex aur Sloka – The rise and fall of Nithyananda
  • Love, No Sex, Viewer ka Dhoka – The Tale of the Indian Censor Board & its puritan nonsense
  • Love, Sex aur Mocha – A lot can happen over coffee
  • Love, Sex aur Mocha – A Caffeine kick
  • 0-6 Aur Dhoka – What we can expect from Sania Mirza
  • Love, Sex aur Poda – The Mallu Playboy Philosophy
  • Gov, Sex & Dhoka – The story of ND Tiwari.
  • Love, Sex aur Oprah – Because women really want to talk.

Last but not the least…if ever my Boss stumbles upon this blog post in the near future, then I would like to say, “Boss, I am crazy with my whims. Please catch LSD asap!!!”.  😀

Snort it OR Watch it….Enjoy LSD!!!  😉