When U visit hometown at 28!

28 is not a nice age to visit hometown if you are still single. But you have to, not to see possible matches that have been talked about by your parents before your visit, but to attend one of your best friend’s wedding (baraat) and to spend some time with your family. But thanks to the constant reminders from your parents, and now that you’re  eligible, you tend to see newly wed couples everywhere. 3 years back, it was just single ladies in front of your eyes that have now been replaced by young “just married” couples.

I really do not know what this syndrome is, that I end up seeing them – at the airport, in the flight, in the malls, at the theatres,  ugh! Everywhere! Ab sab chhod chhad ke Facebook pe baitho….to wahaan bi Wedding Albums ke alava kuch hai hi nai!! The then FarmVille updates have now been replaced by marriage pics. Oh yes, there’s a LIKE button. Hit like – the best thing you could do to bless the couple, ONLINE. You see even Mark Zuckerberg is married now!! And hence the status follows:

Currently, it’s Wedding Season on Facebook —
As per Census: For every 1000 men in India, there r only 778 women. So, 778 couples are busy updating relationship statuses & uploading albums. The rest 222 men (including me) are busy hitting Like button.

Kya karein, jisne humein chaha, naa uska bhala ho paya…Aur jise humne chaha, naa humara bhala ho paya. Par chaahat mein hum ek bewakoof insaan jaroor ban gaye the. Spiderman bhi bana hoga. Thanks to Female Foeticides, finding even “a little close to the right match” is like spotting a tiger in India – Only 1411 left!  So the final straw – Arranged Marriage. But that’s like going on a wild goose chase – Caste, Color, Height, Horoscope, Family status, Age, Package…are to name some of the criteria of this concept. More than 50% of matrimony profiles out there are of BROKEN HEARTS that need some healing before they’re actually ready to accept you. Whew!!!  Hum to kaafi kuch compromise karke bas 3 essential/basic cheezon pe atke hain but uspe bhi not a single proposal that you will “feel good” about. Humein to yaar dowry bi nai chahiye. Totally against it. The ones your parents feel, you don’t; the ones you feel, your parents don’t; the ones both feel, caste/kundalis don’t!  Although I agree to some extent with the concept of risk/uncertainty based on Kundali matches since predictions are based on the science of Astrology but I fail to understand the relevance of caste system in today’s self-made progressive world. [ An elaborate post on Caste system and broken hearts in the offing]

You being the only child, your parents are deeply disappointed, you are upset because your parents are and feeling immense pressure but you keep citing some examples to console their much delicate hearts. (Ab ‘Haan kaise kehdein, humari bi koi preference hai ki nai? Poora life kisika banna hai. Moreover, I don’t like seeing girls and refusing. More girls have refused me just seeing my matrimony profile rather!! )

Ab Pyar koi chai ke dukaan pe to nai mil raha, ki ek mangaa lein…time chahiye, jo shayad hai nai. Aur humein koi stranger ko chahne ke liye jab tak woh feel aaye, tab humare kundali mismatch ho jaate hain. Aur ladkiyon ke kahaan kam nakhre hain aaj kal. When they are getting interests from any Tom, Dick and Harry on Matrimonial sites with counts that match their FB ‘unknown’ friend requests, bhao to badhna hi hai. Aur us race mein shayad hum kahin chip jaate honge. Jab nazar aate hain, tab race is over! Unko kya chahiye ab rabb jaane. Perhaps they want Greek Gods who can give dowry to them instead. Or guys with altitude but size of brain immaterial!

I would rather not elaborate else this post would turn into a work of fiction!  Dil nai kar raha aur likhne ko, but one day I’ll pen down all my experiences. Now Men don’t have a choice. They really don’t. Perhaps the wise ones could wait for that “One day of Autumn” after 500 days of harrowing Summer is over. It’s all about time. 🙂

Here’s a small video from one of my fave movies – 500 Days of Summer , that speaks all about the above line:

I may be aging as the days pass by, my hairs might be greying (but there’s always Schwarzkopf professional to your aid, nuh?) but barely my parents know that I still feel, act and think young, just like the way I was at 21. And at 41, I’ll still be the same. Love (when it fails) may make you weak, timid, numb and dumb but never lose hope in finding love, again. Just have to keep your eyes wide open. Hope you found a suitable match – that would be your love. 🙂

 

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Ekla Chalo Re…

What if your friends pull out of a trip you planned so desirously,
What if there’s no one to accompany you to a rock concert or a trek,
What if you invite people to dine together and all you get is alibis,
And then there’s none to give you company to a movie theatre…

What if you had a real bad day at work/interview & you got none to share your woes,
What if you wish to give vent to all your bottled up agonies & the world is busy,
What if you have all the love to give but there’s nobody to accept,
And what if you want love and just everyone’s so cold?
……………..So what! My friend, just remember these precious lines of wisdom from the great Rabindranath TagoreJodi Tor Daak Shune Keu Na Ase Tobe Ekla Chalo Re” (If no one responds to your call, then go your own way alone)

Wait for none...I walk alone.

Valentine’s Day from a Single’s Diary…

It’s 10 p.m. now. And I am online. That does mean I wasn’t lucky today to find someone to spend the evening, to have that special moment shared with a special person. But right about now, just 2 more hours for the day to be over and everything be back to normal. Have ordered something for dinner sans alcohol, and yet another dinner like most Fridays would be on my own.  So why make a fuss about this day? Why would it hurt or make you feel bad to be alone on this day at all? Isn’t it way too commercial as of today that they charge you an arm and a leg wherever you go to celebrate this special day “meant for lovers” (or more so, people from opposite sex)? No doubt the Love Industry has a turnover of billions post-Valentine’s Day. Not only that, they cash in on the stupid frivolous so-called Valentine Week where each day is dedicated to all the possible mushy stuffs that you would possibly gift your partner on Feb 14th. (But I really hope you’ve an understanding partner who scoffs equally at these inane and old school methods of making her special)

But yes, Today you’re earning that much that you can afford to make that ex-kinda lady feel special (who possibly walked out of your life because you felt it is little too high on your budget to go for a Valentine Special Dinner out in a classy restaurant when you were a fresher in the Job Industry). But why spend on so very materialistic people? But well cuz you can afford to. And it’s the Time, Moment and Company that matters for you more now, I guess. But if only Money could buy feelings…sigh!

So, now it feels bad to have come out of office, a little early, to see most of them carrying bouquets in their hands – some to gift, some receiving the gifts. And if you’re working at UB City, the grandeur of the building decorated with flowers and its restaurants inviting you with neatly embellished tables with wine glasses, bouquets and heart-shaped balloons around is simply alluring! Having spent 3 years in the vicinity, especially when tomorrow is your last working day at current office, where after you won’t be a part of it but a guest, a visitor…you tend to get a mild heartache. But well, you don’t have a company. Your instant reactions go to the past years of this day where you had someone, more adorable (NOT the ex who also was my 1st love I mentioned above) to celebrate with on that particular day and would wish the same person was still with you, right here right now.

Nobody wants to be lonely. At least, I do not. But when you’re 28, most of your friends are busy with own lives/wives. The close and single ones are not in the same city anymore. Being in a city where you 1st arrived after your studies feels like some alien place, as if you are at some onsite location for work. You were alone on your birthday few days back, but well, you celebrated it with a bottle of wine and some pizza to pamper yourself to turn that loneliness into solitude. Yes, there were some online friends thankfully to wish you over video with their happy smiling faces and others who called you at the midnight hour.

Ugh! I made it sound all sombre. No way, there’s a flip side to all this too. You have social networks, namely, Facebook and Twitter, where in you pour your heart out with funny statuses and tweets. Also, connect to the world of other singles out there and their views and interactions. It’s sheer fun! Few of my statuses today unlike the deep satire on the Valentine Week specific days:

https://www.facebook.com/vishy.rana/posts/369942753034093

But here’s one I framed just out of bed, right on this Valentine morning:

There’s money in my wallet, & tonite will be thine,
There wud be flowers on the table n a bottle of wine,
But if u’ll be mine…my sun will shine…

So tell me love…would U be Vishy’s Valentine?

(https://www.facebook.com/vishy.rana/posts/369850606376641)

Although it has become an increasingly commercial day for love birds but well, if life gives you opportunity to celebrate why not make the most out of it. You won’t get all the shops all over the world be decorated like they were today on your anniversary after all. So, more days to celebrate, more special moments and more joy to life! May not be at some classy restaurant but yes, if you have the right ideas and items, then trust me you can have a blast within those four corners of your sweet home.

All said and done – I say Cheers today! For it’s way better to be in solitude than be in a relationship & still be alone!!! Next year, by this time as you all “suggest me”, would have tied the knot and become a man from bohemian. But who knows, who has seen the future. But if it turns out to be true then this day would always remain a past. Hence, made note of the day. 🙂

P.S. I leave you with this wonderful article Love in Three Photos (award winning love stories) and a lovely song that’s way too close to my heart: “Phir Le Aaya Dil” by Shafqat Amanat Ali:

 

The Year that was 2011…

Now that I write it on the 2nd day of 2012, I should thank 2011 for keeping me that busy and upset to procrastinate this post which was supposed to be released on New Year’s Eve. 2011 was a year I would “remember yet forget”.

Forget, cuz this was a year which too weighed heavy on my emotions. A year that never had any ups but downs, had packaged agony wrapped in a short-lived layer of ecstasy, had turned solitude into loneliness, gave me a setback with every new initiative I embarked upon, gave a blow to every ship I set for sail….personally, professionally…physically, mentally… emotionally, psychologically – it was just a packet of regrets, agony and pain that I was destined to carry with me. You open up to the world of social media, where you ‘seem’ to be a super cool person but on the other side of the screen, it is just you doing all the pretentious scribbling on your keyboard and updating vivacious statuses. At times, they tend to speak your heart…candid and sombre. Being an outspoken person by nature, I do not know what to speak yet I do not wish to leave ‘this’ (wherever I could vent out) space empty. So, I scribble down random musings of life and love.

Remember, cuz with every stumbling block you become more cautious, perhaps even apprehensive, far-sighted and most importantly tough and strong. I would like to remember this year where-in, am glad that I gave my conscious and selfless efforts to what I wished to achieve but having understood I was unsuccessful makes me realize that somewhere certainly I went wrong. I have gotta give more and relentlessly to what I aim at to possess!!

But I always feel, “if pain wasn’t so painful, then I guess pleasure would have never been longed for.” The sands of time shall pass and so would our miseries. Good times are waiting for us and we gotta grab them. We’ll hold the time and not grow anymore. We’ll stay forever like this – Happy and Gay. Yet, we will move on.

I welcome this new year. Happy New Year – 2012.

As I scribble with one hand, smiling…

23rd Nov, 2011:

 Only pain is real. Everything else is fake.

At a point of time, when you already feel you’re going through a Quarter-Life crisis; your life on the professional front is disappointing you and the personal one is inflicting too much pain despite your conscious unstinted efforts on both fronts, there was some nuance that was missing, now fulfilled by – a physical injury. So, you meet with an accident that results in one of the most painful injuries – a shoulder dislocation of the joints, forcing you on a tight shoulder immobilizer wrapped around your body that clinches your neck & an arm in a fixed position, immobilizing you partially for 21 frigging days!!!

I was upset at this injury, not because I am scared of pain (talking of pain, it was so excruciating that one sedative and two diclofenac injections failed to do what they were supposed to do and I was trembling along with sweat, & whimpering aloud literally) but because it came at a time when I bought a lens worth 20 grand, a day before, and was about to come home for a vacation a day after with plans to trip around the brackish salt water lagoon “Chilika Lake”, also largest wintering ground for migratory birds on the Indian sub-continent, for some breathtaking shots of Siberian birds. Not only that, now I am forbidden from driving my car that I gifted dad last visit. It’s not that my sling is out on 22nd day and I’ll be free to do everything. I’ll have to undergo physiotherapy for a month thereafter until my shoulder is strong again to drive, ride and gym et al.

Amid all this I realized that you can never be self-sufficient. You end up depending on others. You are bound to! Staying away from your own people and friends-for-life is so damn tough, especially, in situations like this where you can’t even squeeze out toothpaste out of that tube without struggling. Solitude turns into loneliness. You will have acquaintances but seldom can you approach any to come for “your service”. That’s cuz not all are bothered about your misery.

But they say – Maktub. It’s written. At times, you witness events that instill the faith in you, that there’s a supreme divine power guiding you, protecting you even though you were upset with HIM and did not even utter His name once, when you were in pain. But you realize your sufferings were way less than worse.

What if there wasn’t even this only person who lifted my arm, and accompanied me to the hospital in this situation? What if the hospital wasn’t close by? What if the doctor came really late? What if that person did not stay with me barring his office time, until the doc came? What if the Orthopedist came really late until the reduction of my joint was performed? What if the reduction process got messed up?

The feeling of being in hospital with an acute injury and no familiar faces is terrible. I called up a friend staying close by who reached the hospital to tend to me. Thankfully, everything had settled by then. And I updated my Facebook status. When in Bangalore, even God gets caught up in traffic! Hence, makes alternate plans to reduce your sufferings in case of any impending mishap. I managed to pack my stuff with his help and fly back home with one single arm.

P.S. After quite a long time, I decided to write as I was pushed by few goodwill friends to start writing again.  I had been staying away from my blog apprehending whatever will come through this keyboard are going to sound lull, dull and dejected. But I guess putting them here gives me little satisfaction.

The name of the man who helped me was ‘Trisool’ and he was an IT guy.