When U visit hometown at 28!

28 is not a nice age to visit hometown if you are still single. But you have to, not to see possible matches that have been talked about by your parents before your visit, but to attend one of your best friend’s wedding (baraat) and to spend some time with your family. But thanks to the constant reminders from your parents, and now that you’re  eligible, you tend to see newly wed couples everywhere. 3 years back, it was just single ladies in front of your eyes that have now been replaced by young “just married” couples.

I really do not know what this syndrome is, that I end up seeing them – at the airport, in the flight, in the malls, at the theatres,  ugh! Everywhere! Ab sab chhod chhad ke Facebook pe baitho….to wahaan bi Wedding Albums ke alava kuch hai hi nai!! The then FarmVille updates have now been replaced by marriage pics. Oh yes, there’s a LIKE button. Hit like – the best thing you could do to bless the couple, ONLINE. You see even Mark Zuckerberg is married now!! And hence the status follows:

Currently, it’s Wedding Season on Facebook —
As per Census: For every 1000 men in India, there r only 778 women. So, 778 couples are busy updating relationship statuses & uploading albums. The rest 222 men (including me) are busy hitting Like button.

Kya karein, jisne humein chaha, naa uska bhala ho paya…Aur jise humne chaha, naa humara bhala ho paya. Par chaahat mein hum ek bewakoof insaan jaroor ban gaye the. Spiderman bhi bana hoga. Thanks to Female Foeticides, finding even “a little close to the right match” is like spotting a tiger in India – Only 1411 left!  So the final straw – Arranged Marriage. But that’s like going on a wild goose chase – Caste, Color, Height, Horoscope, Family status, Age, Package…are to name some of the criteria of this concept. More than 50% of matrimony profiles out there are of BROKEN HEARTS that need some healing before they’re actually ready to accept you. Whew!!!  Hum to kaafi kuch compromise karke bas 3 essential/basic cheezon pe atke hain but uspe bhi not a single proposal that you will “feel good” about. Humein to yaar dowry bi nai chahiye. Totally against it. The ones your parents feel, you don’t; the ones you feel, your parents don’t; the ones both feel, caste/kundalis don’t!  Although I agree to some extent with the concept of risk/uncertainty based on Kundali matches since predictions are based on the science of Astrology but I fail to understand the relevance of caste system in today’s self-made progressive world. [ An elaborate post on Caste system and broken hearts in the offing]

You being the only child, your parents are deeply disappointed, you are upset because your parents are and feeling immense pressure but you keep citing some examples to console their much delicate hearts. (Ab ‘Haan‘ kaise kehdein, humari bi koi preference hai ki nai? Poora life kisika banna hai. Moreover, I don’t like seeing girls and refusing. More girls have refused me just seeing my matrimony profile rather!! )

Ab Pyar koi chai ke dukaan pe to nai mil raha, ki ek mangaa lein…time chahiye, jo shayad hai nai. Aur humein koi stranger ko chahne ke liye jab tak woh feel aaye, tab humare kundali mismatch ho jaate hain. Aur ladkiyon ke kahaan kam nakhre hain aaj kal. When they are getting interests from any Tom, Dick and Harry on Matrimonial sites with counts that match their FB ‘unknown’ friend requests, bhao to badhna hi hai. Aur us race mein shayad hum kahin chip jaate honge. Jab nazar aate hain, tab race is over! Unko kya chahiye ab rabb jaane. Perhaps they want Greek Gods who can give dowry to them instead. Or guys with altitude but size of brain immaterial!

I would rather not elaborate else this post would turn into a work of fiction!  Dil nai kar raha aur likhne ko, but one day I’ll pen down all my experiences. Now Men don’t have a choice. They really don’t. Perhaps the wise ones could wait for that “One day of Autumn” after 500 days of harrowing Summer is over. It’s all about time. 🙂

Here’s a small video from one of my fave movies – 500 Days of Summer , that speaks all about the above line:

I may be aging as the days pass by, my hairs might be greying (but there’s always Schwarzkopf professional to your aid, nuh?) but barely my parents know that I still feel, act and think young, just like the way I was at 21. And at 41, I’ll still be the same. Love (when it fails) may make you weak, timid, numb and dumb but never lose hope in finding love, again. Just have to keep your eyes wide open. Hope you found a suitable match – that would be your love. 🙂

 

To be an Indian…

I am an Indian. And I saw 64^th Independence Day celebrations today. The spirit and elation are aptly visible as you step out of your home to see the tricolour flags waving, that are fitted in some corners of the neighbourhood doors, cabs, auto-rickshaws, buses and kids with cycles. Although there’s this I-day fervour felt among the common man but the angry young youth is definitely not happy. Not just the rebellious youth but the educated intelligentsia who see that their country is not truly independent yet. For we are still ruled by round-headed despots who are concerned about plundering the wealth that the common man accumulates, who seldom realize what they are capable of and why they had been elected in a Democracy. But I believe it’s We-The-People who have the authority and not them. We have elected one among us. We can dethrone and we can change ourselves. We can fight for our independence by being a good citizen and a good human being.

Having said that, there are few things we still need freedom from, in this country. Because today we are a global citizen and we must pledge to act and believe truly what it really means to be a nation where Indus Valley Civilization and Harappa Culture were born. We need to understand what it really means to be an Indian. So being an Indian means:

–          To give up the lethargy of not going to the polling booth just because it is hot and sunny or there’s a huge queue out there. There’s no point in watching or making huge debates/discussions by flipping news channels in AC rooms and complaining about our politicians.

–          To stop worshiping false gods, following inane celebrities, conferring “youth icons” to false politicians & giving needless hype to useless people who‘re in the news time n again.

–          To shun the caste bigotry and jeer at every person who carries the caste supremacy and follows the caste system. If they’re your parents, you must have the courage to bring about a change in their irrational set of minds!

–          To not follow media or any source blindly, for media is prejudiced and is also bought!

–          To not stare at a woman’s bosom right when she’s looking at your face or try to be touchy-touchy in that “opportunist-crowded-bus”. It’s vulgar despo and downright unethical! (Can someone remind these set of people that, there are a similar set who’re also staring at their sisters?)

–          To not repeat the Guwahati incident, rather have some courage and BE A REAL MAN to protect the one who’s being molested, just like we would have come to the rescue of our own siblings.

–          To not throw garbage in an open area just because others are! Rather to throw it inside the bin, than just aiming at it.

–          To maintain the decorum of every queue and respect the people ahead of you and not be violent or have “getting-late” alibis just to break it.

–          To join the person who’s being a rebel against someone (even if that ‘someone’ has the physique of Tiger Ali) violating the rules deliberately because in my country laws are formulated but seldom followed.

–          To not break the traffic rules and drive on the pavements (Man! They’re made for pedestrians). But to stop your vehicles to save petrol, save environment & do a favour to the common public’s left over hairs on the bald head.

–          To not pee & salt your neighbour’s wall but shoo the ones who you see peeing in a public place in broad daylight!

I love my nation. Am happy to be an Indian. Unfortunately there’s no reason today, I can take pride on Independence Day when we’re ruled & the Nation’s flag is being hoisted by those who’re at the helm of corruption n inefficiency!!

It takes much more to be an Indian. But it doesn’t take much to be a good citizen. And it’s even easier being a good human being.

Jai Hind. Happy 64^th Independence Day. 

Real Beauty is felt, seldom seen.

Beauty is a manifestation of secret natural laws, which otherwise would have been hidden from us forever ~ Johann Wolfgang

Real beauty to me is a sensation felt with sheer delight. As the old adage goes, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever”. Real beauty is precious, is prevalent among all of us but the irony is we so less often are able to identify it and for some it’s very much relative. Real Beauty commands respect, never demands.

As of today, commodification of humans have changed our perception of Beauty. When we say he/she is beautiful, it has definitely to do with someone’s physical appearance. The boom in showbiz and glamour has given a great setback to our pride of possessing melanin. A fair skin is considered beautiful by the so-called fairness creams and ads that simply boast to beat what nature has bestowed upon the not-so-fair you.

But 1^st let me elucidate a few beautiful instances/people who most of us can’t deny of their real beauty.

• Beauty is not in that hot skimpy nurse walking down to Charlie Sheen for a room service (Two and a Half Men types) but in a lady who had devoted her entire life in the service of the poor, sick, orphaned, and dying! I consider Mother Teresa beautiful.
• Beauty is not in featuring in the Top 10 Forbes list of World’s Most Powerful People, heading a leading Political Party just to eyewash the poor and stash away billions of black money in Swiss Banks but in braving alone to fight for her people to ensure calm and peace amid an Empire’s unrest! I consider Rani Lakshmi Bai beautiful.
• Beauty is not in being a glamorous star-daughter and heading to the red carpet with an ultra-expensive designer attire, posing for the cameras (None many even recognize them there) but in winning a billion hearts through their simplicity and mellifluous voice! I consider Lata Mangeskar beautiful.
• Real Beauty is in every mother who is always by the side of her son/daughter, fasts for his/her well-being even if they’re the most notorious types. Is any child on earth ‘ugly’ for his/her mother? Motherhood is real beauty!
• Real Beauty is Sunitha Krishnan who has never breathed easy as she grew up but fighting for so many helpless, trafficked women/girls to breathe easy and survive in this ruthless world. Please find some time out to watch and listen to this video (my blog may not be that important right now).

Those wannabe models, gaudy women, drowned in sheer opulence and covered by Page 3 are seldom beautiful, as others perceive with their eyes but not brains.

Some definitely are pretty. But would you call a lady out of this elite league (who would seem to have spent a fortune on her get up for one single night) to be beautiful who litters the restrooms? Who falls flat in that disco tipsy – out-of-order with liquor spilled all around? Who throws a cigar bud on the floor right in front of an astray in a public place? Or who throws a Cola can or Bisleri bottle on the road or somebody else’s yard while driving the Mercedes??

Real Beauty is never confined to a race, sex or age. It is seamless; it doesn’t have boundaries. It is perpetual. It is to be felt and rejoiced; just like the beautiful verses of Kalidasa.

Beauty is in innocence; that helping hand; that shoulder to rest upon when you are in tears; a simple smile that heals; this precious life we live each moment & the entire creation of mankind. Everything is beautiful. Life is beautiful.

A snap of the jubilant schoolgoer kids I took as I trekked down Triund to Dharamkot (Himalayas)

Beauty is relative. Real Beauty should be apparently clear. To behold real beauty, all you need is a beautiful mind.

P.S. My post is biased towards women since the Yahoo Specials on Real Beauty is powered by Dove, where as Men prefer Cinthol or Durex. 😉

(This blog-post is a part of the Indiblogger Real Beauty contest)

Ways to identify a Photographer

 

She: Hey, Vish is a photographer.
He: Oh really! Which camera do you use?
Me: I just click pictures. Do I qualify now??

It’s practically pointless to showcase your work to someone or to introduce your passion to someone whose 1^st question would be which gear you use for Photography. That itself is an insult to the photograph and the owner. There are some who may as well, uninvited, ask you the same after seeing a nice picture about the kind of camera you use, as if once you hand it over to them, they would beat the shit out of you with some of the best award-winning Nat-geo pictures clicked from their magical hands!!

So here you have them as photographers. Now that they have the basic knowledge of what I carry i.e. a Nikon/Canon and a photo-editing software, you have some of the best ignored talents now surfacing as photographers. Not even budding, but pure professional photographers, who use SLRs only to click pictures. Every soul on earth knows D is for Digital. Have you ever tried asking them the full form of SLR? If not, try right away.

Since it is a fashion these days to be an SLR Photographer but may not necessarily mean Photography, here are few ways how you could identify them:

1. Profile Pictures: Be it Facebook profile or a page, a DP with your D-SLR is a must! And your pose is the mundane “focusing through a view finder” with enormous attention that even scientists wouldn’t be sharing with electron microscopes. Poor Point-n-Shoot owners must be feeling left out.

2. Watermarks: I always believed watermarks are required to establish the identity against theft or plagiarism of your authentic work. But what I do not understand is the usage of watermarks with HUGE BOLD/ITALIC fonts (XYZ Photography) in the mid of the picture or everywhere (minimum 3 places) in your picture that at times one wonders whether the font is the SUBJECT or the picture beneath the font is the subject! Again, they are Fotugraphers, you see.

3. Borders: The look and feel of your pictures does get enhanced with borders, but what’s up with Black-Thick-White-Slim-Grey-Fat layers of border!!! I guess I need a magnifying glass now to actually see the content of your photo.

4. Facebook FanPage: Oh dear! This was the only missing link so far. An FB page is free of cost. Let’s create one, make use of ‘Invite Friends’ & FB messages and spam all our friends and friends-of-friends until they LIKE it! Now, on your FB feeds Vishy likes Sissy’s Photography. Some no-brainer who loves liking all pages will go ahead and like it for sure. Voila! You have so many fans!!! But none have seen your pictures yet. You’re confident and go to pub to boast in front of that chick how awesome you’re at clicking and that she should be ready to pose for some (on bed).

5. Facebook Albums: Your albums are named “Himalayas rock”, “Corbett National Park” etc but neither you see mountains, nor animals in them. Just humans with thick fat lenses posing with tripods, concentrating as if they are about to kill a lion. Longer the lens, better is the flaunting(acting). Okay! Where’s the content yaar?

IDENTITY CRISIS STILL?

So, these were the sure shot ways to identify the photographers around you. Yes, I own an SLR but I don’t consider myself as a photographer yet, for I do not qualify any of the above 5 criteria. I just love clicking. That’s my passion.

The truth behind Photography, however, is that the best and most creative pictures in almost all realms of life are anonymous.

P.S. The picture you see is a mock. I just couldn’t tamper more than that. In reality, the ones am talking about are worse than the above.

6 reasons why the new Facebook profile sucks.

So, you got this ridiculous Coming Soon intimation on your homepage as if you were really looking forward to the new profile! The fact that you did not migrate to the new profile till this point was essentially because you were more than contented with your old profile layout already.

Love it or hate it, you have to accept all the shit that they offer. And then there are no choices to choose a better shit or worse. My story is different; I was misled by their “What’s new” video and got migrated into the latest ASAP. The very next day I thought of coming up with this blog-post on how and why it was no more a social-network but an online market but then I thought perhaps I would get accustomed to it in a little time. It’s been months and not only me, but also my friends, young and old, despise it. I do not think any person apart from those who have their “Sponsored Ads” up and running in those panels would have welcomed this in true sense.

Here are 6 reasons (OMG, I could really find 6 reasons!!) why it really sucks:

1. Personal Profile page font: We did not really like the  home-page font size diminished. So, we asked Facebook to get back the old layout; they offered us the same shit on our personal profiles! So, my pages are always on a Ctrl+, thanks to the browser font size variation property.

2. Links Archive: You had a good reason to make Facebook as a bookmark organizer of your singled-out links, but now you have to break your head to find the archive of your links. And worse, your friend’s link, shared a couple of days back, instantly, unlike old profile Links tab. But the basics do not change. So if you wish to run through your previous links, take a look at this previous blog-post of mine.

3. No Info (sidebar) box for your blog traffic: You are a blogger. You shared your blog URL. And that was your identity how your voiced your opinion. Plus that set you apart from a ‘fake’ profile. But now with these inane big icons of Movies, Music, Inspirational People hitting your eyes instantly on click of Info tab, anyone would hardly care to get to your website info. present at the nadir of  your personal info. Hence, no traffic from outsiders on your blog via Facebook.

4. Sponsored Ads: The primary reason behind the whole idea of coming up with the latest changes to Personal Profile was to eat up your personal space in the left panel and transfer them to the right for Sponsored Ads. So more clicks, more Like-hits and more moolah for MZ.

5. Status Messages Archive: Well, he should understand that my profile is full of Farmville, Anita’s predictions and 101 new apps that spam your Time Line every new day that I cannot really scroll through and keep hiding them when I wake up in the morning to go through what my friends had written when I was offline. Here’s what I am talking about. Now that is extinct. (This is a part of homepage layout but was introduced in the same period as new FB Profile)

UPDATE: This feature is now available underneath the Most Recent link.

6. Networked blogs tab killed: The no links-tab feature almost killed Networked Blogs where you could follow others’ blog, have your profile and get traffic onto your blogs too. Again, a setback for bloggers.

Last but not the least, the most notable change in the new profile had been tagged photos appearing in your profile. I wonder who would like to see YourTaggedPals photos, or flowers, cakes, cartoons etc. So, the only good reason I figured out to make use of that feature is to display –>

than keep myself tagging inanely over n over again.

The way I said it in 2010 – My year in one liners.

2010 was the year I got into blogging, the year I became THE Social Network person n also the year my Facebook addiction climbed to the heights where my personal profile was disabled. But that was kinda rehab for me.

Now I am still a Social Network addict but mostly a Twitter person. Having said that here are some of my one liners (or more than one) that had been most “LIKEd” or RTed on FB/Twitter resp. The list doesn’t end here but I do not wish to squeeze the scroll bars too much.

THOUGHTFUL:

We see trains colliding, we see plane crashing…
Road accidents r a daily affair, we r blown away wit bombs.
We leave some, we lose some…
Life is precious, life is beautiful…Yet life is so short!!! God bless LIFE!

MOVIES:

• Damn you Christopher Nolan , now that you gave a new high on Inception, the FIFA World Cup hangover is almost over! 🙂
• Q. What did Bachan Jr. say to Leonardo DiCaprio after watching Inception? A. What an idea Sirjee. An idea can change the world!! 😉
• FATAL WARNING: Do not even get a pirated copy of Golmaal-3!!! However Tusshar Kapoor fans cud make it cuz he is at his annoying best! #SomeoneKickTheShitOut
• If U think of celebrating ur Christmas watchin Tees Maar Khan for Sheila ki Jawani or othrwise, I suggest u to settle down for some soft porn rather than spoilin d time.

OFFICE-Etc:

• Possible joke of the day – I love Mondays!
• Nation-wide Strike => Long lazy weekend => Satanic Saturday ahead. This Friday nite is goina be a Fright-day!
• The transition b/w one project to another is always a bliss. Why? U swim freestyle in the free-pool. U indulge urself all 8 workin hours on Social Networks. N then u fly away home. 😉
• Arey Merry Christmas n Happy Vacation, all right. Shut down to karke jao systems ko! Go green but whn it comes 2 offc, company ka maal, dariya mein daal???

NARCISSISTIC:

• I have few retards in my profile that turn me off big time n eventually turning me into a retard!
• To all those who missed me right here on FB, I ❤ U. To all those who rejoiced my absence, kiss my (__|__) 😀 [FYI, I hav kissballs down dere. Kicks prohibited  ;)]
• If HATE can be personified, then it’ll be FACEBOOK. Thanks Mark for disabling my account. This, my dear Mark is the beginning of your fall…downfall!
• Huney, am home!…….What took U so long??? It’s Friday night bitch. 😉

FIFA:

• There will be 3 things we will remember from the 2010#worldcup   in South Africa: the vuvuzela, the Jabulani n #PAULTHE PSYCHIC #OCTOPUS.
• Thank U Spain – U r the World Champ for me!\m/ Essentially becos U did justice to the Germans for gangraping TINA…Oops I mean Arrrg…!
• HOLES were bullish, but BULLS are Spanish! And bulls will crush anything if they are instigated – especially man-shaped Oranges!
• Hence, the German blitzkrieg was destroyed by the Spanish bullfighters!
• The #Ger Octopus- Paul denies 2 predict 4 Germany as he’s busy wif Octopussy Paula countin his last days b4 being exported 2 Mainland China!
• The host nation #RSA said to #FRA, would U lik 2 trade some Vuvuzelas 4 ur French-Fries n French-Kisses? #FRA said ‘NO’. #RSA said, ‘Here U go’. And meet #ENG @ Airport! 😀

ON MY MIND:

• International Airports – The only place where U get to see/meet(if ur lucky) lovely petite gorgeous women of ol’ skin colors…both travelers n d ones dat help ya travel.
• One possible disadvantage of ‘riding’ bak home than ‘driving’ bak home during heavy showers is…U can’t park ur bike n make love when it rains midway!
• Being at home could be dangerous! Why does my dad wish to sacrifice me so soon when ol’ my ex-s are single n knotless?
• Myth: Kingfisher Airlines hostesses are red “haute” ! Reality: U dont really need to be gorgeous to join KF Domestic Airlines.(They induce sleep more than keepin u alert!)
• If we never had a religion, we would never have festivities. And life would be so monotonous. #HappyDiwali
• Come home to d best Sweet dish-n-delicacies that mankind cud ever drool on, come home to Bhubaneswar. Rasagolla, Rasmalai, Chhena Poda…d “authentic” list is endless. BEAT our sweetness!
• Any idiot cracking jokes on Diwali, makin fun n too much noise of dis sparklingly joyous festival will be subject to Patakhas n Rockets in his arse. #HappyDiwali
• In Bangalore, 3 things kill you. Chicks, Climate n Traffic. While d 1st two r worth-experiencing, the last doesn’t let you enjoy it.
• U know u r in Bangalore when U see pretty chicks wit cheerful faces, colorful attires, hairs straightened mostly…accompanied by a guy/two in most cases n d weather kills u wit chills!!

BACHELOR’S DIARY:

• From a Bachelor’s Diary: Weekends are meant for washing socks, clothes, baniyans n bike! Then repair d machines. Whatev time’s left goes on SNs. No time to get laid!! Ugh!
• From a Bachelor’s Diary: When Mom’s not around, the only savior for a hungry tummy after a stressful day at work is Instant Noodles!!!
• From a Bachelor’s Diary- U don’t wake up so early ever once U hav slept late. Only 2 find out da reason were bloody mosquitoes cuz ur All-Out got over!
• From a Bachelor’s diary: Life has never been so lonely than what it is right now…At times stupidity favors u, at other times, it’s devastating!
• From a Bachelor’s Diary: Evenings on weekdays are meant to watch movies, on weekends, to gettin drunk. At times wish to shut down this chapter. At times, life feels lonely.

SATIRE:

• My dear friend, even if my pen-drive was infected, would u expect a “Yes” from me when U ask, “Does it have Virus?”.
• Reaching the DELL Tech. Support team for assistance is like reaching the stars without a spaceship! Quite literally!
• Q. What’s d difference btwn Bangalore n a remote Indian village? A. Powercuts – In B’lore: 1 hr each, 5 times a day; In a Village: 1 time, straight for 5 hrs!Q. What’s the similarity then??? A. At times these Power-cuts may last upto 8 hours at-a-stretch!
• 20 yrs hav passed by but guys visiting Keshari theatre wouldn’t leave d habit of peeing on RBI Building walls. Stunning BBSR ??
• Dear Pakistan, Thank you for taking Sania Mirza, thanks for listening to our appeals on FB for adopting Rakhee Sawant…Oh Plz, lift Arundhati Roy now.

CWG:

• Irony/Coincidence? Both CWG n IPL r gaming events, both r cash cows 4 r politicians. While IPL has Paisa,CWG has Wealth & both hv Corruption.
• CWG -> Kalmadi’s Cash CoW-Games / Congress’ Wow-what-Wealth Games!
• IPL/CWG both have 2 things in common i.e. P and C ? “P” – Paisa =>  Probe && “C” – Cashcow => Corruption.
• Terrorism(Kasab)/Naxalism/Inflation/CWG – What’s common? IST – GOI believes in IST i.e. we could always ‘stretch’. Is the International Embarrassment imminent?

CHILDREN’s Day:

• When I was a Kid, Weekends dint mean Facebook or Twitter indoors but it meant Bat/Ball/Race outdoors.
• When I was a Kid, Baba Ramdev was a student drinking Coca Cola.
• When I was a Kid, ‘Biting’ n ‘Sucking’ was only confined to Mosquitoes.
• When I was a kid, I got wet dreams after watching Hindi B-Grade movies. (Pyaasi Chudial etc.)
• When I was a kid, all my fb friends were also kids…n FB founder was also a kid!!! Now he’s billionaire, n we’re contributing to it. #FML

ONIONS:

• Onions – 1 Kg = 100 /- || One bottle of Carlsberg = 100/- #YouPrefer
• Tip for just broken relationships: A raw Onion a day, keeps your ex away.
• Similarity between Onions n a “misleading” pretty face – Both have layers.
• Onion prices 70 /- per kg already. I was happy that at least we av few days until sometime in 2011 when it touches 100/-. Now m already in tears without peeling them.

RANDOM reads:

• Be grateful, because hundreds of millions of sperms were ejaculated and YOU were the fastest swimmer. But the irony is, even that was spent on a woman!
• Yea right! Happy endings do exist…it all depends where you end the story
• Behind every successful man, dere’s a gorgeous woman! Behind every gorgeous woman…dere’s a man staring at her bums.
• Pakistan tourism board tag line: ‘Come to Pakistan, have a BLAST’

Well, last but not the least, thanks for the Likes n RTs. They do make me feel, my words have life and they are being heard. Hope the next year, unlike this year I won’t spam your feeds. Oh wait, I was kidding. 😀

Happy New Year – 2011

An Open Letter to Mark Zuckerberg

Hi Mark,

What’s up, Bitch? By the way, congrats for being the youngest billionaire, and the CEO of the 3rd highest valued company in US and making over 550 million friends. Hey, wait! They also include 250 million Farmers and Mafioso, 100 million disabled-accounts and 75 million fake (includes stray dogs n pets), out of which 50 million would be from India and rest 25 million are, perhaps, our neighbor’s contribution; thanks to Orkut’s decreasing popularity.

Good that you are coming up with an innovative and state-of-the-art technology Facebook Messaging (email) system as you discovered 4 billion messages getting sent each day. (What’s up with Groups? A big fail, eh?) Now we are sure the mails are going to be blocked half-way through, for your TERMS are going to be even longer! Longer than the 8189 paged Ayodhya Verdict, even a Federal Govt.’s rules and regulations. Do you also follow the terms set by you? Then why isn’t it possible to block you?

Well, it’s nice that with Facebook email, you are allowing attachments now. So, guys can send their masturbating videos to ladies they sex-texted before! Me? Sorry, I’ll still stick to Gmail for that. I do not wish anyone to see me while I am shagging away to glory. I need Privacy!

And then more blockages, more profiles disabled (but not deleted), new profiles added to Facebook and Voilà! Facebook’s counter shows 1 Billion profiles and soon to overtake population of China. Is this how you show the numbers to the whole world of Social Media?

Hey, I saw The Social Network. And my admiration and adulation for you knew no bounds after learning how you got this social-networking/dating site out basically! No wonder when you have disparaged your girlfriend and deceived your best friend, you will do very less to care about people’s privacy or their concerns.

Although your PRIVACY explanation is written in simple English, but your business rules are damn faulty! Do you test your privacy features at all? Automation, Manual…? Here are few nuggets and my observations on how you have been compromising your 500 million users’ privacy:

• Pandora, Yelp, and Scribd. Now you added Instant Personalization options. But hey why did you forget to notify users on homepage when you ‘checked’ Places by default for them under Account Settings> Notifications?

• Popular Applications/ ‘Apps’ on Facebook steal/transmit personal information.
• Your application developers sell user information to data brokers for money.

• Users set their Photo Album privacy to Friends Only (How am I so sure? Click ‘View Photos’ -> This content is currently unavailable) but if the wall is public one gets access to the published photos and to the entire album thereafter clicking ‘Back To Album’. WTF! Don’t you see the Ugly World of Morphing out there?

• Those whose friend requests are “Awaiting Confirmation” can still have my personal posts/photos/photo-tags reflected on their feeds! How outrageous is that?

With so much of privacy breach stories, no wonder why this Halloween, people had been wearing your mask!

Now, let’s speak about the DISABLED profiles, on who violated your Statement of Rights and Responsibilities, as per you:

• Thanks to your Share button people could share profiles they need to Report Abuse, on their walls. So, your Pinoy devotees have done the needful to my maiden & ‘Authentic’ profile.
• Why the hell can’t you give or send warnings before you disable a profile? Your automated response after two months of my appeal says,

Your account was disabled because your behavior on the site was identified as harassing or threatening to other people on Facebook. Prohibited behavior includes, but is not limited to:

• Sending friend requests to people you don’t know
• Soliciting others for dating or business purposes

Isn’t the reason ridiculous, Mark? For what effing good do you have these “Looking For” options in your Basic Info then!!! Looks like your principle-makers are only on Twitter!

• Have you ever had a chance to see how pissed people are because you disable profiles for reasons unknown? If not, have a check at http://facebookdisabled.org who are also on Twitter and have been reaching out to victims to sign the petition against your totalitarian attitude. Also, http://getsatisfaction.com/facebook. Not just a handful of them, there are millions, even bloggers at NetworkedBlogs. You could check your own Petition groups and this topic. And some ridiculous reasons as mentioned in this topic as well. Oh yes, the previous topic is written by a lady if you thought only “Male” profiles fell prey!

• You don’t have a mechanism to weigh the volume of data/IP content in each profile i.e. Photos, Albums, Videos, Links, Notes, Contacts etc. before disabling a profile? Why? You have an idea how agonizing it is to lose them & what a pain it is to upload them all over again!! And when friends are concerned, they think I have kicked them out from my list!

You know what man, I could go on, but I also have to mention about your “People You May Know” algorithms that usually pull out fake profiles with suggestive photos, which in turn invite one’s profile to be blocked again going by your Terms! You keep changing Facebook features every morning, without informing people what’s new on the site and let them accept whatever shit you offer! Do you know the recall of Publish Profile Picture feature on the wall has been a huge disappointment for users?

It’s an application and it would definitely have bugs. Do you just intimidate and block FRIEND REQUESTS or do you ever test your own application before letting it ‘Go-Live’? Did I just hear a deafening YES, then what’s this all about? And at times, when you post a comment, others don’t see it after sometime, makes one think he/she deleted it. Misunderstandings over FB now! WTF! Well, how many more times would you keep changing the useless SPAM filters for Amora/Anita/Astrology Predictions and all that shit app!

Although we’ve had a Quit Facebook Day on 31st May, 2010 fetching 37971 committed quitters, I understand it doesn’t make much difference to you, the ratio is just too less as compared to 500+ million active users, after all, right? But, keep your fingers crossed Mark, for this quitting no. would soon emulate your bragging FB figures.

You cannot do good to your users, the disabled and crippled profiles, all right, but if you could do this favor for the sake of mankind- PLEASE Unfriend Coal and keep the Planet Green and not make it Black instead. You’re CEO, Bitch! C’mon.

If you still cannot do any of these, then please change your name as suggested in the text editors.

Many Thanks,
Facebook-turned-Twitter Addict

 

Image (Zuck’s Mask) Courtesy: Gawker

This Request Can’t Be Sent! – Because it’s FaceBook Shit.

Breather!

Not for men, but for women folks with Facebook rolling out its restrictive features on Friend Requests, i.e. You get a “This Request Can’t Be Sent” message when you click on the Add as Friend button! For what f*ckin good do they have a Networking/A Relationship/Dating option in the “Here For” field on Personal Info tab then?

And tell you what folks, this works/annoys you only when a request goes from Sex: Male –> Female. Seldom the other way round! So go ahead hide your sex and see if you can beat the algo.

Ok fine. You can’t really send a request to a lady you met at the Airport since FB’s algo considers you are stranger to the lady. But now the big question is when a lady sends a request to you, because she knows you, are you supposed to get this message when you accept? Have a look at below WTF image:

Out of many Facebook bugs that prevail in the system, this is one annoying bug of another WTF-FB-BUGGING-Feature.

Our dear Facebook Developers are so obsessed to stop friendship threats from MALE facebookers, that they won’t even let you accept requests  from FEMALES who wish to befriend you. Not that you could never accept, but I would let you fiddle around or write a letter to Mark Zuckerberg if you wish to. And there’s isn’t a thumb-rule that you’ll always end up getting it. But mostly it’s for all those button which block you to send, also block you to accept! WHOA! Cool ain’t it!

Btw, for what utter crap is this form for? Does it work ever for anyone? I doubt. Just another misleading useless webform.

Click to Enlarge

With privacy features changing more often(than promiscuous relationships) without notification to the user (e.g Places), and addition of unwanted as well as removal of useful and user-friendly features to be replaced by uncool ones, I have been finally motivated to move to Twitter full-time. Yeah, there was a time I had been patronizing and writing posts about my Facebook addiction, thanks to its customizability. Unfortunately now its terms are more dictated than offering the freedom of socializing or so-called Socially Networking.

Happy to be tweeting. Thankfully, it’s more or less static and not annoying like Facebook where you experience features changing every morning you wake up. But nevertheless, let’s be waiting for “This Request Can’t Be Accepted” feature from Facebook.

When XIX Common Wealth Games 2010 – CWG was held in India!

CWG – I wish the acronym never had Wealth in it, so our dear IOC Chairman and the entire hierarchy under him wouldn’t have got misled. And would have rightly understood CWG is all about Sports but not unleashing Game Plans of Corruption to make enough Wealth for your seven generations.

Not-so-surprisingly, now we know many acronyms, have coined enough, simply a good no. to confuse us on what the original CWG stands for ,after a few days.
Even the Maoists must be aware of the ongoing disorganizations in New Delhi and would be having their wishful laughs looking at the mess. Not to forget the Porkistanis who on NDTV’s Facebook posts about CWG, keep swearing in the name of Lord, celebrating the failure as a curse for ‘Indian Occupation of Kashmir’.

The Shame and the Agony:

How would you feel as a ‘responsible’ citizen of India (please exclude our politicians) when the President of CGF, Mike Fennel faces embarrassing questions like “Has India let you down?”. Worse when he replies “we all would have learnt a lesson in working like a country like India. And at the end of all of this, India would have learnt a great lesson.”

How would you feel when these filthy images are 1st out on bbc.co.uk, titled ‘Athlete’s village’?  And you want me to be fraking positive about it! Why shouldn’t there be criticism? Why shouldn’t there be sarcasm or tantrums thrown out to Mr. Kalmadi n Co.? It couldn’t get more outrageous when they say that different countries have different standards of hygiene! It seems our IOC officials never flush their toilets and have paan-stains all over their wash-basin. But why-the-f**k feign it to be the standard for entire country and mislead outsiders on our image!

At least the officials should have an iota of conscience that any mess in such a huge international event would not only put the country to shame but also cause embarrassment to many Indians who go abroad to represent or work, who would be at the receiving end of any informal discussions.

A sporting event whose current investment would be hardly around  Rs.7000 crores is now estimated to be   Rs.77000 crores!!! Is there an end to the amount of corruption?

Mr. Kalmadi promised it to be the best Games ever, better than Beijing Olympics. Now it has turned out to be the costliest! This is definitely not expected from the CWG chief, who also has a defence background! I just hope it isn’t as bad as the ill-prepared Athens Olympics where they were planting trees even on the day of the Games.

A game whose bid was won in 2003 has turned out to be the costliest Games ever! Whose money is it? It’s mine and yours. It’s mere Tax-payer’s money, damn it! Isn’t Ajmal Kasab’s expenditure enough who’s yet to be executed!

But after all this, the most agonizing news you hear is Games Village is not ready. 180 Flats still in ‘unlivable condition’, athlete’s bed collapses, AC doesn’t work, no water in the toilet et al.

Role of Media:

The CWGPR is already doing its job of digging the positive out of the worse. But no, you cannot simply keep expecting media to bring about positive stuff out of Pandora’s Box. I would rather say Media has done a good job of busting out the means of corruptions and showcasing how CWG has become an event of cash cow for the IOC officials.

The news on CWG preparations has not been good since last 60 days or more. Yet, it didn’t ring bells for our politicians/bureaucrats to get things rolling at a breakneck-speed. The result – India is the world news for all wrong reasons. Thanks to their “Chalta Hai” attitude. Plus put it back on media.

Neither Media bashing all the time helps, nor should Media keep carrying negative news, at least once the countdown is over for heaven’s sake! Just because BBC showcased filthy pictures of the Village, all of them followed the same. Herd mentality. Nothing different was shown in the movie – Peepli [Live]. If Aussie/English/Kiwi media is bashing India then why is Indian Media backing them?

What we can learn from South Africa:

I am at loss of words to applaud RSA to have beautifully conducted the FIFA WC 2010. It doesn’t restrict to just one but 2007 ICC WC Twenty20 and two IPL championship events including the ongoing one. Despite racism issues and a massive AIDS prevalence among the population, they could deliver. Why can’t we, being the 3rd Most Powerful Nation in the World?

 

Lesson for future:

We continue to think time-n-again that all these money could have spent on poverty alleviation or Elementary education. Or better infrastructure for sports in general. But they would never be spent since there has to be a specific and dedicated program on these known and chronic issues.

So if at all we bid for such an event, we should be committed to it with heart and soul. Lest there is mismanagement, we should be accountable for it, accept blame rather than being arrogant and playing blame games.

When Sports Committee’s chairman has never played any games, how would he have the spirit then? These specimen shouldn’t be appointed as bureaucrats or ministers.

Not sure what’s in store ahead and after CWG. But there should be a probe and all those indulged should be charge-sheeted and made to pay the damage done to the entire image of the nation. We have to adopt the Chinese/North Korean way. Execute all those responsible for non-execution of the games!

CWG will still be a Success:

With issues every morning, looks like CWG is going to be less about sports and more about the issues faced by athletes. And they won’t stop cribbing now, even with the slightest of discrepancy that is possibly manageable.

Let’s have investments come into India and not go to China. We have brains but we have shitty politics-dominant-bureaucracy. Let’s not make this as a deterrent. Whatever it costs, whatever it takes, let’s make XIX Common Wealth Games a success! And it will be a success despite the odds!

May be we could just think the worse is over, and show solidarity as committed citizens.  Jai Hind!

10 reasons why I love Football, FIFA vs Cricket

 

FIFA – Football Is Freakin’ Awesome!

So, we’re in FIFA season now. A time I await for 4 long years. For most Indians, it’s cricket that takes priority, better say – the most popular sport in the country. But a large mass has been following FIFA too as evident from their posts and updates on Social Networks.

As far as Social Media universe is concerned, Copa Mundial 2010 will be the 1st to be played out in the Facebook/Twitter era!

So, here are top 10 reasons why I am fond of Football than Cricket.

• Game Duration: Each football game lasts for 90 mins (max to 4 mins extra on certain cases) as against 4 hours of a 20/20  or 8 hours of an ODI Cricket match. Even in a single 20/20 match duration, 2.5 FIFA matches would have been over!

• NO Adverts/Commercials: The best thing about this game is you get seamless viewership and unlike cricket where the feeling is like seeing the Match within the Ads & not the other way round. You see them to the extent that lest you missed a wicket fall, you have to catch the replay- only after the ad!! Worse, you may even miss the 1st ball of bowler’s forthcoming over. But in case of football, even during the breaks, you get to hear from John Dykes & see Mayanti Langer & not the fashion-faux-pas hit Mandira Bedi!!

• Players don’t laze around: Now, this is a game where not a single player, out of 11, gets bored like the fielders at the boundaries/gullies and at times the ball never reaches them even after a couple of overs. Every single player, right from the Defender, Mid-fielder, Striker keep running from pillar to post. Even the goalie keeps jumping as to make sure he doesn’t fall asleep. (Like Portugal’s goalie in FIFA World Cup 2010 where #POR pumped 7:0 vs #PRK)

• Referee/Umpire: Have you ever seen a big-bellied referee in a football match who’s emotionally challenged due to his obesity? Forget referee, even the linesman needs fitness more than the players.

• Commentators: Just one commentator. And simply gives you an adrenaline rush. Unlike cricket where you have multiple commentators (now Field Umpires/Players too :O) who at times go to chat about their housewives or the cricketer’s latest crush (let’s keep Harsha Bhogle out of this)

• Crowd/Fans: If you have seen a FIFA or any football match per se, it would be needless to explain the 300+ million fan following across the entire globe. And my my, the fanciful face-paintings, the craze, the beauty, the mass singing/dancing/jumping/tub-thumping, roars (be it the deafening Vuvuzela =====<() )…even after so much to be offered from the game, we still stick to the game! Not to mention the footballers who don’t leave themselves behind when it comes to fashion with all the fanciful tattoos and hairdo.

• Conduct: Cricket is relatively a game with gentlemanly conduct until we see more of Sreesanth(s), on & off the field. But football does have frequent spats, verbal hurls, faking fouls against the opponents et al. Not to forget the perfect Zidane head-butt and the recent Kaka Red card vs Ivory Coast.

• Nations Count: Out of 400 football playing nations, around 208 nations are FIFA national soccer teams. Out of these, only 32 make it to the World Cup! Whereas, you have only 10 major cricket playing nations (alongside Holland/Afghanistan/Kenya) out of which 4 are already playing FIFA WC 2010!

• Ease of game: I can even make my mum understand it without much worrying about explaining her the intricate Duck-worth Lewis methods & other cricketing jargons from the bowler’s/fielder’s/batsman’s and umpire’s end! However, the irony is she says, she understands cricket but fails to understand football. So, all I told her that two teams run with the ball to put in the opponent’s post! That’s it. Done. 🙂

• Match seldom stops: The tenth and one of my best reason is that a football match never stops even if it rains! Nobody runs with a huge thick polymer sheet to cover the turf! Rather the soccer players look all the more wildly sexy with their wet look and muscles flexed visible through the drenched jerseys (No, thanks I am straight). The match still goes on and on until the ball floats.

I do not like FIFA World Cup. I simply love it. 🙂

N.B. My personal opinion, agreements (from Soccer fans) n disagreements (from hard-core Cricket fans) are most welcome! 😀